Anniversary of Mourning
by Katerina Alberthane
Summary: Severus celebrates a notsohappy anniversary....rated PG because of talk of suicide.


Note to readers: I own nothing Harry Potter, although I wish I owned Sevie! This is a story about an anniversary that Severus celebrates and it isn't exactly happy. Once again, I took a break from "I Saw Her Standing There" to do this one. The idea had been floating around for a while and the muse called and I had to answer. Enjoy! Please r/r!**  
  
Severus Snape walked through the crisp night air slowly, leaving his lone footprints in the sea of white snow. It was winter again at Hogwarts, a time he used to love, yet now loathed. His breath came out in puffs of white and he licked his thin lips to stop them from drying. The fluffy white flakes fell from the sky slowly and stuck in his raven hair and robe. He stopped walking for a moment and gazed at the scenery around him. The view of Hogwarts would be breath taking on any day but this one. The Forbidden Forest was covered in a soft blanket of white and looked somewhat tamer than usual. He started walking again abruptly, not wanting to stay still for too long. He didn't want his mind to wander. This was the one day in the year when nothing mattered to him, nothing but her. Her warmth made him invincible in the cold night air, her scent filled his nose and her beauty blinded him, even though he hadn't laid his obsidian eyes on her in 15 years.  
  
He reached the familiar spot that he had been heading towards during his stroll.  
  
"This is where it all began." He said aloud, in barely more than a whisper.  
  
On that day, long ago, Severus had planned to end his life, but a strange girl in the forest stopped him. All he did was look at her and he lost his nerve. They began a friendship that day, a friendship that would withstand everything, even Severus himself. Even when he betrayed her and become a Death Eater, she still forgave him. It was because of her that Severus turned his back on Lord Voldemort and become a spy for Albus Dumbledore.  
  
They married sometime after his betrayal in the spot where he stood now. She became his then and forever on that fateful day 16 years ago.  
  
"If only I had waited." He said aloud. Perhaps if he had waited, she would be there with him now.  
  
Lord Voldemort didn't like his Death Eaters to have lives without his permission. Severus defied the dark lord for his love. And his love died because of his defiance. When Severus was away one day to go to a secret meeting, death eaters murdered his wife. A solitary tear rolled down his cheek as he thought about it. A week before her death, she had informed Severus that they were to be parents. And so, his innocent wife and unborn child were violently ripped from him. Another tear fell for his lost child. His child, their child, the child who paid for its father's sins. It had been 15 years ago today that Severus lost his family, his love, his soul.  
  
Severus lay down in the snow, hoping the cold, dark, death would take him as it did his wife and child. He didn't know how long he lay there, nor did he care.  
  
"I'm here, Laurel. Come back, please." He whimpered, looking up at the winter sky. He was answered only by silence. He thought he was past the point of tears, but soon found them flowing freely down his pale cheeks. They burned his frozen flesh, but he could not stop them from coming. Suddenly, the clouds parted and he could see the moon. Because of the snow and white clouds, the moon looked almost silver, just like Laurel's blond hair. He took it as a sign that Laurel was there, with him. "I love you, Laurel. And I love our child, even though I never got the chance to meet him or her." He said to the silvery moon. "Guide me, Laurel, and show me the path that you fought so hard to get me to follow." The moon stared silently at him and he sighed. He wondered what life would be like he if Laurel were still alive. What could it be like to be a father? What would his and Laurel's child look like? And would it have a few more brothers and sisters? All these questions came to him, but yet, no answers.  
  
He got up from his bed of snow. The moon was starting to disappear behind the clouds again.  
  
"I love you." Severus whispered one last time and took out a small knife. He unsheathed the blade and watched it shimmer in the fading moonlight. He cut his ring finger where his wedding ring rested all those years ago. He stopped wearing after she died, the Death Eaters really wouldn't like that. He watched the blood drip from his finger and stain the snow a brilliant red. He wanted to die in that moment, die and be with his wife forever. In an instant, that urge receded. He didn't think he would ever see her again, even in the afterlife. He believed that he would not be admitted into heaven where he was sure his wife and child rested. Laurel was so innocent and pure, and Severus had lived his life in sin. He had murdered many, even sentenced his wife and child to death. And according to what Severus was taught as a child, suicide was a guaranteed way to gain no admittance into heaven.  
  
He sheathed his knife back into its holder and placed it in the pocket of his robe. His finger was beginning to cease bleeding. Severus stared at the moon one last time and saw it vanish into the clouds. In that instant, he felt as if he had been dunked into ice water. Suddenly, he saw something move among the trees. He saw it for only a second, but the image was burned into his mind forever. For there, within the trees, stood Laurel. Her short blonde hair rested neatly on her small shoulders and her eyes blazed a livid blue. Severus gasped and wanted to call out, to run to her, but she was gone in a moment. There was a silvery haze all around him, impairing his vision for a few minutes.  
  
When the haze cleared, he was once again alone. He looked down at his finger and saw that it was completely healed and a small silver-tinted scar marked the place of the incision.  
  
"Thank you, Laurel." Severus murmured and left the forest. As he left, a faint image of a woman appeared in the spot he was standing. Silvery tears fell from her blue eyes.  
  
"Be safe, Severus. I shall watch over you and one day we shall be reunited. Be patient, my love." She whispered and vanished. Severus thought he heard something and turned around, but nothing was there.  
  
He trudged back to Hogwarts, his mind spinning with thoughts of what had happened. Severus was so distracted, he didn't notice Albus Dumbledore standing beside the front doors, waiting for his return.  
  
"Severus, we missed you at dinner tonight." The old man said, his eyes looking old for once. Severus bowed his head.  
  
"I am sorry, Headmaster, but today is…" he trailed off, he didn't want to speak the words. Albus raised his eyebrows.  
  
"A man that is so strong and brave cannot say these words? I can only imagine how it all pains him, but he must learn to forgive himself." Albus thought. "Say it, Severus, it will help." He said aloud to the younger man. Severus gulped; he knew there was no way to fight this man he thought of as his father.  
  
"Today is the anniversary of my wife and child's death." He managed to squeak out, in a voice very different from his normal smooth and silky tone. Albus placed his hand on Severus's shoulder.  
  
"Goodnight, Severus. Rest well." Albus said, walking off. "By the way…" He said when he was almost out of sight. "I love what you did with your hair." He said and Severus could see him no more.  
  
Severus was puzzled; he hadn't done anything new to his hair. When he got into his chambers, he looked in the only mirror he had. A single silver- blonde streak of hair was on the left side of his head, in the strands that hung in front of his hair his ear. The same strands that occasionally fell into his face. He ran his fingers through it. It was smooth and less-course than the rest of his raven colored hair. He had to admit that it look quite good.  
  
"Thank you again, Laurel." He said and lay down his bed, cold and alone, but happier than he had been in years.  
  
** ::wipes tear away:: Poor Sevie! Bless his poor little soul! ::wipes another away:: He had some contact with the supernatural. Just in case it wasn't clear, Laurel's ghost passed through him when he felt like he was dunked in ice water and she healed his finger and turned his hair blonde. I think Sevie would look cute with a little streak of blonde in that mass of black hair! Well, there ya have it! Thank you for reading!** 


End file.
